Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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