woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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