Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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