I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
