You smell like a Billy Joel song
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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