I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
