oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
is it fun? or sober?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
