Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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