Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
