is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
