Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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