i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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