I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
