when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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