; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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