I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
