I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
My penis needs a shock collar
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
