:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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