no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
