Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
