There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
