I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
