were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
