So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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