I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
