Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
operation harelip BJ is a go
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Randomize
