Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
