Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Randomize
