Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
