Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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