Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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