I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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