no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
