Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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