So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
