Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
