people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
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I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
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I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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