It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
