I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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