lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
