seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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