I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Holy shit dude........stairs
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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