I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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