Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
