Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
