just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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