i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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