My pussy is not your playground.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.