This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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