Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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