he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
