I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
