Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
