ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
