sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
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He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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