She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
