Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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