it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
