I hate your face
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
