Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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