I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
