I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
