dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
