This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
