I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
