That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
