Christians are straight up FREAKS
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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