ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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