You're completely useless in the revolution.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
