well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
