I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
