last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
