oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
