We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You ate ashes out of my bong
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
