My underwear smells like fireworks.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
