great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
