It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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