so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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