You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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