I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
