the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
