I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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