textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize