Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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