i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
