I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
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What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
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oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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