Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
